One, None and a Hundred Thousand

"""What are you doing?"" my wife asked me, as she saw me lingering, contrary to my wont, in front of the mirror.
""Nothing,"" I told her. ""I am just having a look here, in my nose, in this nostril. It hurts me a little, when I take hold of it.""
My wife smiled.
""I thought,"" she said, ""that you were looking to see which side it is hangs down the lower.""
I whirled like a dog whose tail has been stepped on:
""Which side hangs down the lower? My nose? Mine?""
"