Unf*ck Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life - A Comprehensive Summary
Gary John Bishop makes it clear in no uncertain terms: You are currently living the life you want to live, whether you like it or not.
Bishop says our brains are wired to win, and so we naturally and subconsciously act in ways that support our view of ourselves, even if that view is negative or harmful. Doing so keeps our psyche comfortable because it reinforces what we have experienced in our past that got us to the current day alive. Even if we want more out of life than what we are getting.
To truly progress, we must confront our self-talk and self-image and challenge them in ways that allow us to move from where we are to where we say we want to be. It all starts, Bishop says in “Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life,” with language.
“I am,” not “I will be.”
“In simple terms, the language you use to describe your circumstances determines how you see, experience, and participate in them and dramatically affects how you deal with your life and confront problems both big and small,” Bishop writes.
Gary John Bishop, author of “Unfuc*k Yourself.”
The words we choose signal to ourselves and others how seriously to take our statements.
“There’s a massive difference between “I am relentless” and “I will be relentless,”” he writes. “One of those statements intervenes in this moment of your life, the other lives more like a description of what’s to come rather than what’s here.”
“Unfu*k Yourself” offers seven power statements to shift your perspective and force you to take action with purpose and drive. It offers a framework for transforming your life by encouraging actions that lead to discomfort, which is where Bishop says all progress is found.
“In fact, the greater degree of discomfort you experience, the greater the difficulty, the greater the sense of personal accomplishment that comes after,” he says. “And that’s exactly why great accomplishments and extraordinary successes are so rare. Because most people don’t like being uncomfortable.”
Accepting Risk as the Price of Admission
We loathe discomfort because it indicates we are taking on some sort of risk. It’s a biological response hardwired into our brains from a time when the world around us was fraught with peril at every moment.
We adapted to avoid risk because it could mean a life-and-death situation. But we have not yet adapted to recognize the difference between life-threatening risk and ego-threatening risk in our modern world. Thus, we avoid things that put us in uncomfortable situations because our brain is signaling mortal danger.
Risk is not an impediment to success, it is the path to it.
This is one of the areas of “Unfu*k Yourself” that most spoke to me. I’ve talked about how, during my mini-retirement, I want to get outside of my comfort zone and explore new experiences. And largely I haven’t in the two months since I quit my job.
Bishop says this is natural, and it’s a big part of the reason people end up “stuck” in an existence they don’t feel matches their expectations (more on expectations in a bit).
Another fascinating aspect Bishop highlights: When we take on challenges, and when we push ourselves in new directions, it’s not only challenging for us—it also challenges those around us. Even those who love us.
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